On Humble Greetings

Last week our Parenting Twenty-Somethings Group focussed on our experiences of having kids with emotional, psychological or medical challenges.  We heard about the "lying on the couch all day" depth of depression; the "I'm so scared of what drinks and drugs she uses" fear; and of the day to day dynamics of the family with a "special child".  Toward the end of the evening, a dad in the group said, "And then we get all the 


Christmas cards telling us how great everybody else's kids are doing!"  A swirl of empathic energy filled the room.  Everybody knew the feeling. Your college roommate's son just graduated from a top Ivy League college.  Your distant cousin's daughter has been elected captain of a winning soccer team.  Your colleague's kids have both landed their first "big bucks" jobs.  


My thoughts went to memories of my mother.  My family had various challenges over the years - not exactly the stuff of Christmas card notes. Yet my mother has always been one to celebrate others' successes - a wonderful trait.  But sometimes it was hard when those "everybody-in-the-family-has-done-great-things-this-year" cards arrived in the mailbox. It was not about jealousy, and certainly not about wishing ill on anybody - but it was just hard.
     Yes, this is a time of year to celebrate the good in our families and in our lives.  
     Yes, this is a time to catch up and hear about what our friends and relatives have been up to.
     Yes, sharing the high points of our year and the progress of our children is a good thing.
     
And let's do it in the spirit of recognizing the rich texture of life and the complexity of families.  Let's do it from a place of compassion, and not in a context of competition.  Let's share our stories with an appropriate feeling of pride, and a big dose of humility.


Happy Thanksgiving. May our gatherings of family and friends bring a chance for appreciation of the diversity of our stories and the uniqueness of each of our children.